The Mind-Grinders or "How to accept the unacceptable"

You have trouble sleeping, you feel exhausted, you constantly feel tired, worn out. Even when you are awake there is that dark cloud that is above you all the time, that weight, compressing you one micron at the day. It is not much,you will say, I can take it. But that micron adds up and now before you know it, your life has lost another inch. You rarely smile if you smile at all. All you do becomes heavier and heavier, you try to concentrate to repel that feeling. I am not going to let this get to me, I am stronger that this. The days pass by and another inch is lost. You get up from your bed, but you feel tired, you go to the kitchen make the breakfast you eat it but it has no taste, you go outside to your car thinking about the work that awaits you and than suddenly you fell like you are sinking into the ground. The earth is devouring you. You look down and you see that you have stepped onto the anti personnel mine, the squishy kind. The first thing that happened to you that day is shit, the first thing that you did is stepping into the shit. That day automatically becomes the shit day, the shitty day. Now you have to go back and clean your shoes, fighting the stench and the bare nausea of removing the content of dog's bowels. As you do so, you are getting sucked into the dog's rectum.

You are late to work and you jump in your car, step on the gas and just as you are about to go to the main drive you have to step on the break cause the dog just ran in front of you. The owner behind the dog, screams at you “Watch out you moron”. You are late to work, your boss is unhappy and you work but that cloud hangs over you. Everything is meaningless, pointless but you try to keep the concentration cause your concentration is the only thing that keeps your job. It is a good job, it provides you life,comfort. It makes you feel secure. Yet it slowly crumbles and turns to dust.

You come back from work and as you step outside you watch on the ground for the land mines. You have to pay attention. You drag yourself to your house and just want to sleep, cause you are so tired, so,so tired. So you lay down and try to sleep but you can't, cause you are not sleepy but you feel tired. So you watch TV, you don't work at your hobby any more, it doesn't give you pleasure any more. Than you have a dinner, take a shower and go to bed.

As you are lying in your bed,you pray to the high heavens for it not to happen, you cry in your head,begging for mercy. But to no avail. It starts.

Barf, barf, barf.arf, ARRRRF,ARFFFF, Woof, woof, barf,BARF. Than the growling, than the noise, than the wrestling in the bush, than the screams of some unfortunate animal than again,barf, BARF,BARF,BARF....

It grinds your mind,shatters your thoughts. That constant monotonous noise, that hammers your brain compressing it to the bottom of your skull. It feels like you are in a sinking submarine and as you are falling into the abyss, you can hear the cracking as the outside pressure builds and builds. And it never ends, you go deeper and deeper and you know that you are not going back to the surface. You are trapped,locked in.No one is comming to help you, no one can and no one wants to.

The dark abyss owns your ass now.